If I was your Secret Santa

If I was your Secret Santa . . .

30 Nov 2015

Hands up who’s doing a Secret Santa this year? Isn’t it awkward when you get someone who you really can’t think of a good gift for? Being the bookish folk that we are we’ve all started daydreaming about what we’d get some of our favourite literary characters if we were their Secret Santa.

Santa Claus (he’s been in many books!)

Cat in Santa hat

Who better to receive a gift than Santa, the person giving so much to all of us on the dark December nights? The perfect gifts for this most magical of characters would have to be:

  1. A tablet computer to bring his ‘Naughty’ and ‘Nice’ lists into the 21st century
  2. An exercise bike to help him keep off the pounds from all the mince pies and brandy, and to make sure he’s thin enough to fit down the chimney
  3. And . . . Some beard oil. Now that beards are all the rage it’s time to give his look a new lease of life.

Dan Marketing


Jason Taylor, Black Swan Green by David Mitchell

There’s really nothing quite like a Christmas story where the bullies get their comeuppance and the unlikely hero gets the girl, is there? If I was Jason Taylor’s Secret Santa from David Mitchells’ Black Swan Green I’d buy him a slingshot and teach him how to use it (therefore breaking the confidentiality of the Secret Santa pact, but it’d be worth it). He could hide up in the trees where the village bullies Grant Burch and Ross Wilcox hang out with their cronies competing to be the biggest baddest idiot of Black Swan Green, and they wouldn’t see the attack coming. We’d both get immense satisfaction from seeing them run howling as we strike from our lofty perches. Jason’d no doubt get a poem out of it, perhaps entitled ‘Catapult Karma’ or similar. Holly jolly Christmas wishes Jason!
Amy – Marketing

Helen Graham, The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anna Brontë

Cuddly toy dog
If I were Helen Graham’s Secret Santa, I would encourage two of her passions: painting, and her son. She’s had a hard life, this Tenant of Wildfell Hall, and I’d like to doff my hat and show support for a strong, single mother living amongst whispers and debauchery in the 19th Century. I’d buy her a watercolour painting set, and a stuffed animal for her child. I’m a softie at heart.
Aimee Marketing

The Big Friendly Giant, The BFG by Roald Dahl

christmas scrabble
If I were Secret Santa for the BFG my usual, go-to gift of Christmas socks would be completely out of the question. Unless I fashioned them out of curtains and bed sheets, but to be honest, no matter how Big and Friendly you are, I haven’t got that much time to spend on a Secret Santa gift. So I’d go for something that would appeal to the BFG’s love of ‘gobblefunking’ around with words and interacting with ‘human beans’ Scrabble. Of course, there would be a lot of debate over whether ‘snozzcumber’ is actually a real word, but that’s a discussion sure to liven up any table (and with the BFG advocating a strictly non-human diet, you can be certain that any argument will end in laughter, rather than death. Always a plus).
Bridie Design

silver business card holder

Patrick Bateman, American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis

Patrick Bateman has to be one of my all-time favourite literary characters; so complex, angry and with an incredible attention to detail, how could he not be?! If I was lucky enough to draw him as a Secret Santa recipient I’d immediately be terrified I mean, he has killed people and I can imagine him looking for an axe if you got the gift wrong. However, I feel pretty confident about my gift idea for him. I’d buy him a platinum business card holder with the letters P.B. engraved on the front, pretty cool huh? His bone, Silian Rail business cards would look pretty darn good in there I imagine. Let’s just hope Patrick thinks so too!
Aimee K Marketing